Jan 2, 2017

New Beginnings

Reflecting on some of my struggles, fears & strengths during the year of 2016.

With the help of Sofia Cope’s Year end reflection sheet, I pondered on some of my struggles & strengths during the year of 2016 which I wrote here:

2016 was where I lost drive for quite a number of my passions. It was a year of tough growth and drastic changes. It was a year of realisations of my own courage and fears. Not only did some of my surroundings rapidly changed, but I quite have as well.

Overcoming a lot of my fears and challenges, I realised I was so much stronger than i thought.

This year was where my interests danced from here to there, as I’ve discovered so much things about myself I’ve never really gotten in touch with in the past. I used to perpetually be in my own head; having trouble connecting to anyone or anything. I’m the type of person who loses in touch with reality frequently, and I’m still working on making that my strength instead of my weakness. In the past year, however, I reached out a bit more out of myself and got a hold of a number of experiences and wisdom I never really dealt with before.

Comparing to the year 2015, where I commenced real-time blogging, launched my online shop and overcame my fears on public speaking, I feel that 2016 was a year of deeper self-realisations. In addition to the heavy outer obstacles & changes, I also had a quite number of inner troubles I had to face. Which I overcame little by little! For that, I really am proud of myself. It was a tough year, but I knew I needed this.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons, but believing in myself was the one that struck me the most this year. I know it’s quite the cliché, but believing in myself was the very thing that saved me the most. Don’t overlook on your own being, you are loved for how you are. Have faith in yourself the most when things gets immensely difficult, and trust me, your heart would feel lighter. It’s your own uniqueness that would take you to places.http://naominikola.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Cool-and-Refreshing.mp3

These are three of the themes for the coming year that I want to work on the most:

Bravery

I’ve tasted a little of my own true bravery this year and I wish to become much braver. I want to be able to push myself to see what I’m truly capable of. From creating friendships, experiencing new things, creating art, to overcoming a lot more things I’ve been so terrified of.

Kindness

Not only to others, but to never forget to be kind to myself too. There was an instant this year where the song, ‘Let it be’ by The Beatles started playing on the radio, the chorus finished and I just broke down in tears.

Despite all the struggles I had been facing, I knew the one that was giving myself the hard time the most was me. It’s hard to forgive myself in certain things, and I have a lot of grudges about myself that I never show to others. It made me feel a lot lighter to let things be, and to be kinder to myself even for just a bit.

To cry in front of someone, to just let things be, to remember that I deserve to be happy too. I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have credit for things I work hard for. I need to remember these things and be kinder to myself.

Creation

To actually start doing the things I want to love doing. I want to have control of my own creativity, and have the courage and full capability of showing it.

Be it a visual art, music or making clothes and the likes — I’ve always had trouble with executing my personal creativity, so being able to keep doing this with content would feel like success to me. It’s always with me trashing it after making something, or not make these ideas at all because I can’t find myself in them. And so in 2017, I’d like to work on this and stop running away from it anymore.

I’ve said this countless of times (to myself especially), but these are the things that I have faith in (^ ^) Despite my own personal struggles, despite the darkness that can surround me at times, I know that there’s fire in my eyes and a light inside my heart. I know I haven’t figured out everything yet, but I will keep doing the best I can do. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!